Thursday, 17 April 2008

Time to move on

In the spring-time. What better time? New beginnings, new growth... Oh yeah, yeah, etc. etc.! It’s April.

But it’s April! Ruined by man just as surely as he would ruin God Himself, if he could (planet Earth is a good start). And the whole month has become thrall to Mammon, god of this world.

Tax forms for all our American friends [I’ve seen people asking for prayers for help with those things!] and gosh-knows-what financial hiccoughing in this country [it’s all keeping me very busy – one claim and check-up for Social Services after another! (Defeats the object if you ask me, the stress is awful!)].

And - I expect you guessed it - Tom left! Deserted, like a rat from a sinking ship. Gone. Off to sow his wild oats (oh, I hope not!), living with an old school-friend (known him 16 years – nothing strange for Tom!) down the road.

So for me, of course, everything seems wrong. Incongruous. Surreal. I’m having a bit of a bad time.

And it’s getting warm in my horrible west-facing sitting-room (I told Tom to bring a compass when we came to look round, he didn’t realise the necessity!) which is making things [MS not good in heat] even harder.

However... God is with us, Pope Benedict XVI is in America as I write (thereby cultivating what his predecessor, John Paul II called a “spring-time in the Church”), and I have joined a great Catholic social networking site (4marks). So I’m making new friends. All is not lost.

Tom comes and helps (and eats, showers, does his washing, stays nights!) and tries to keep it as familiar as he can. He even comes in the mornings when he doesn’t stay the previous night to make me coffee and feed Lucy. Ah, he truly is a good lad – I must stop shouting at him!

But I’m missing him like crazy. And Lucy is [and no, we haven’t got over those builders upstairs yet – I know my nerves have been very unsettled and dear L. is not quite as good as she has been]. I hate his friend for kicking the poor dad into sheltered housing and using the house for rent-paying lodgers!

Still, back to ‘all is not lost’!

I just needed to get my writing self back on track to feel right. So that’s what this is about. I hope you will bear with me and, when it comes, be tolerant of that nasty, pointless, self-pity thing.

I’m going to aim to get a spring into my step for spring. Yes I am!

Thank you for keeping me going and caring (especially you, Daffy). It’d be a lot worse without my blogger friends!

Time to move on...

P.S. I forgot to mention (probably because she’s on another week’s leave and I’m trying not to think about it), H., my social worker, has been working towards getting me live-in care (after all – perhaps she read this blog! [the Kent Care Home looked very nice but she and I agreed: “not yet”]). I’m meant to be filling-in a Registration Form. But, oh, I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to do something – for Tom’s sake.

P.P.S. For the record (mine?!) Tom left on Saturday, April 5th 2008!


Anonymous said...

Hello there Virginia. :o) My internet connection is really rubbish tonight so I'm just going to type...copy and then hope I can post! :o) You seem to think that all you do is moan and you mentioned self pity... well we all have times like that. (i'm not comparing, please don't think that.) Today has been a pretty horrible day for me. One of those days when you wish it was over. I decided I would check in on you, see if you had posted and then go to bed. Put the sorry mess behind me and start again tomorrow. When I come here to see you, you are making the same desicion too! Well similar...getting the spring back in you. I'm pleased you are socialising.. I've not looked at the link yet but I will.
My husband and I rowed today. (Is my spelling bad? Have you got images of me and my hubby in a boat? :o)Anyway, we don't row often but when we do he is always so stubborn. Never in the wrong. I always have to make the first move, I am always the one to back down and regain stability. On top of that, my fuel light came on the car and I (stupidly) offered to take a collegue home. I had no phone with me, no money and because I have days when I am dizzy I just kept on going! Luckily for me I got her home, I got back to work and I managed to fill the car. It would have just topped my day off if I had ran out of fuel. Stranded on a roundabout somewhere with no money or phone! I was so annoyed with myself. Then I had to go to my dads to pick up my daughter and he needed to do a little bit of shopping so I took him up to the co-op. I had the good fortune of bumping into my son and his girlsfriend who asked for a lift! I couldn't say no. Finally we arrived home, my daughter and I, and I couldn't be bothered to cook. (She had tea at Grandads) Finally, at 9pm I decide to cook, nothing adventurous, oven chips and some salad. I shook the chips to check on their progress and bang! I dropped them all over the floor! Today wasn't getting any better.
See? All of us can have days when we need to offload and that is what friends are for. You think it's just you but it's a two-way street. I can come over to moan to you and I know you will listen to me. (read)
Tom left on the 5th April... it must be so difficult for you, but you are coping, you are getting through it. (It's the 17th now! ;o)
Try and get that form filled in when you are feeling more up for it...
I am grateful for the thanks but there is really no need. I love coming to visit you and I hope after this incredibly long moan of mine, you will still welcome me back!
You have to remember that I don't really know how it is for you so if ever I say something that seems thoughtless, please forgive me.
I hope I haven't sent you to sleep? (I do that sometimes!)
Take care Virginia, give Lucy a little hug for me, or a big one..
Goodnight, God Bless. xx

Flighty said...

Hello! I've come here via my dear friend Daffy's blog.
I have been here before but not, I'm sorry to say, commented. It must be so difficult for you at present but I know from personal experience that however dark life gets there is always a flicker of light, and if things don't get better then they do change which often gives a brighter perspective.
I love dogs and cats so I think that Lucy looks rather adorable. I'm a big softie when it comes to pets, and I'm always happy to share my biscuits with them!
Anyway I'm sure that for both of us Daffy always makes us smile, and believe me she is a lovely charming chatterbox.
Take care, Flighty.

Anonymous said...

Chatterbox seems like an understatement after all of that! :o)
Virginia, it's been a while since you posted and I have e-mailed you also. I hope you are ok. Perhaps it's time to have another moan. ;o) Don't worry if you can't respond, if I see the comment appear I'll know you are ok. Take care my friend. Hugs xxx