Monday, 12 November 2007

Lucy is not going to be a pyjama case

[Written Thursday, November 8.]

No, I can’t do it. I will not make Lucy give up any more of her body for the sake of human aestheticism or ease.

Today, Lucy will NOT have removed her womb and her ovaries. To be added to the furnace of poodle-parts, along with her tail (see previous post – I couldn’t stop that, this I can).

What would be left? An empty, disfigured sack. Hollow – even her oestrogen self gone. No personality, naughty and child-like. No chance of babies.

She would be no better than an unstuffed toy. A rag-poodle. Oh, horrors! A pyjama case.

In all that umming and aahing, wondering whether to get Lucy or not, how could I forget? But I did...

When I was, oh, about seven, one of the Christmas presents my parents gave me was a white, pink-ribboned, poodle pyjama case. With a zip, right up the middle of its tummy.

Exactly! Lucy would have a scar (you remember, I had this done many years ago (kept the ovaries) – I know what I describe). But, unlike the pyjama case, which you could open up to reveal a silky pink chasm, Lucy’s would (hopefully) close up to hide raw, severed flesh and a void where there ought to be life.

In one you stuffed pyjamas, in the other you would stuff food, as some sort of miserable substitute. She would get fat and dopey, dozey. Her bones would become brittle and break. She would feel no meaning to her life, other than to eat and love humans.

It might be easier, especially for my MS (as I said, her last season did seem pretty difficult (i.e. messy, long)). But I can’t do it.

And besides, she’s a pedigree: one day I might not be around (no ‘i.e.’’s needed!) and she may go to live somewhere where they can breed her with another, pedigree, toy poodle. Imagine that... more beautiful Lucys to give pleasure and companionship to the world. (There you are, you see, it’s an altruistic gesture!)

Right now, this minute, she should be in recovery at the Vet’s clinic. In a couple of hours Tom was meant to be going to collect her.

As it is, as usual, he is on his bed (says his room’s ready with his mate down the road but won’t go now – even when I tell him to!). Lucy is lying beside him on the floor (after hysterical “play” earlier). And I – well, you can see what I’m doing.

But I’m living for today. Each moment. And that’s the way it has to be. Which was the deciding factor in all this.

As non-constructive as it might seem to some, I’m afraid it’s better than watching poor little Lucy suffer. For no valid – necessary right now – reason. We’ll all get together later, or just Lucy and I will, and there’ll be some semblance of normality – for an MSer, which is hard to accomplish!

Also, I remembered, I never liked that poodle pyjama case. Wanted a real dog, of course. Well, that says it all doesn’t it?

And helped me make the definitive decision: Lucy is not going to be a pyjama case (and, besides, who wears them any more?)!

I cancelled the op. and we move (?!) on...

P.S. This doesn’t mean I don’t see the sense in spaying normally. But, don’t forget, Lucy is a “house-dog”.

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